"White House announces release of another Bin Laden tape"
"Washington, DC March 14, 2008
White House Press Corps briefing in the Lewinsky Room
The White House announced today that it is reviewing the latest tape featuring Bin Laden, that was released this morning by aL-Qaeda.
Initial reports that the tape was obtained from the Israeli embassy can not be confirmed.
The WH official, speaking off the record, stated that this looks like the real thing and that Bin Laden appeared as lifelike as ever, despite the rumors that he's been dead for a number of years.
In the tape, BL personally threatens President George Bush, for trying to push thru Congress the telecom immunity bill.
A transcript of this portion of the tape was released and BL said:
"I am happy that my friends in the DEMOCRATICALLY controlled Congress have not passed Bush's version of the telecom immunity bill, since this will give my freedom fighters stationed in various caves throughout Pakistan the ability to keep using their high speed internet connections to fight this latest "jihad" against the foreign devils."
BL further stated that he was going to donate millions and millions of dollars to the DEMOCRAT party, but due to logistical concerns, he would route the money transfers thru Tel Aviv, then into the U.S. Congress.
The WH spokesperson further stated that Bin Laden was ecstatic over the falling dollar and said in the video that since Americans refused to go out and "shop till they dropped", that the American consumer was responsible for the economic doldrums in the U.S.
The WH said it planned on having the National Security Agency verify the authenticity of the tape, but at the moment, they were tied up with monitoring personal phone calls and emails of Americans.
The WH spokesperson scoffed at questions about whether or not Bin Laden was still alive. "Do you actually think that the President of the United States would lie to people about this?" asked the spokesperson, Josh Wectumberg.
"President Bush stands by his rock solid integrity that he has displayed numerous times over the last seven years and personally, I find it offensive that anyone would dare question what a sitting president said, fumed Wectumberg."
