"An open letter to Ehud Olmert"
"An open letter to Ehud Olmert, Prime Minister of Israel, illustrious dear leader and reichsfuhrer extraordinaire" by Skulz Fontaine, Unknown News February 26, 2008
Dear Hud:
How's every little thing? How's the wife and kids? How's it hanging with that rascally Knesset? Mercy, ain't politicians just one colossal pain in the posterior?
How's the sewer drainage in your neighborhood? Got any back-up? You know, kind of like how the sewage backs up in Gaza? Oh man, you just know that has GOT to stink.
How's Zippy? You know, old Zippy Livni. While I'm thinking about it, bro, what in the hell is the matter with the Zip? Criminy, is she pre-menopausal or just a shade psychotic? Mercy, that is one bitter shrew. Yes she is. Wow, do you think that she eats children? Man, I hope she doesn't eat children. That would be, golly, sort of cannibalistic don't you think? Yeah, that's what I think.
Did you know that Condoleezza Rice eats children? Well, she most certainly does. The Condo likes her children napalm fried southern Texas style. Yum, Tex-ass crispy!
Yo Hud, when are you going to sit down with the Palestinians and talk some straight sort of talk stuff? Gosh, don't you think it might just be worth the time and effort? I mean, I realize that you're really busy with that killing Palestinians motif and what not, but come on bro, can't you take even just a little minute or so and see what's up with them? What did the Palestinian people EVER do to you?
I mean really. Criminy, the way that you act one could get the impression that some Palestinian had spit in your olive oil. Oh wow, did some Palestinian spit in your olive oil? That would explain any number of Israeli atrocities on Palestinians. That being said, didn't Israel already take ALL the Palestinian olive groves and turn them into settlements or something like that? Wow, that's kind of harsh don't you think? I think that's kind of harsh.
Hey Hud, how's Nancy? You know, Nancy Pelosi? She's a fruitcake -- you know that, right? Every time the Nanster talks about you, she gets all 'school girlish' and squirmy. What's up with that? Oh wow, did you ring her bell? She sure acts like it. I mean, the way the Nanster acts any time she brings up the Hud, it's sort of unnatural like. Whoosh, it's kind of obscene in some odd sort of pornographic kind of manner.
Ah, she's your problem anyway, The Nanster probably plans on moving to Israel just as soon as she loses her next election campaign. That can't be soon enough for the American people you know. She's "high maintenance and expensive." One could suppose that in some bizarre "political" style she's sort of cute, but at first glance any such assessment eludes a simple wise-ass like me. The Nanster is creepy. Genocidal and creepy.
Oh right, Israel and you sort of cling to that genocidal war crimes stuff. Why is that? Mercy, don't you ever get tired of washing that Palestinian blood off your hands? Is there oil in Palestine? If there were, that could explain some of the Israeli atrocity. Wouldn't excuse any of the Israeli atrocity but, it could explain it.
You know, I really have a hard time figuring out why you and Israel have got to be so brutal with Palestinians. Mercy, you stuff them inside that Auschwitz the West Bank and the Gulag Gaza and, why is that? Have you no sense of simple human decency? Okay, so don't get me wrong here but, is it some kind of "Jewish" thing? I don't want that to sound 'anti-Semitic' now. I'm just trying to figure out what the hell is up with all the mindless brutality and the detaining of Palestinians and the torture. Is torturing Palestinian men, women, and children some kind of Israeli national sport? Now that would be harsh. Pretty darn inhumane if you know what I mean.
Gosh and you know, Palestine belongs to the Palestinians. Palestine isn't even yours or Israel's to do with however you seem to want to do whatever it is, you want to do with it. That make any sense to you? Sorry, I was stabbing at twisting a metaphor and it mostly turned out rambling and verbose. However, I could suppose not.
The freaking United Nations had NO right to cut the guts out of Palestine and give it to you and I couldn't give a flying fig seedling less what you or the world might think to the contrary. That little act of mindless diplomacy was as unjust as the day is long. So Jews got brutalized during WWII, the really "big one", and so what? It was, after all, a world war and what about Armenians and what about Russians and Stalin and what about Native Americans and white Americans and what about Black Americans and slavery? Jews are somehow "special?" Sorry, I'm thinking that Jews/Israelis aren't special or any different than say Palestinians. Or rude and snitty French and their pissy tasting wine. The entire freaking world needs to suffer because Nazis waxed horrific on Jews and it's OUR fault? Jews suffered horribly at the hands of Nazi Germany and it's the Palestinian's fault?
Get a grip on yourself there, Hud. Get a grip and cop a clue. It's not our fault. It's not the world's fault and it's not even the fault of modern day Germans. Criminy, how many Nazi Germans are left in our miserably suffering world? Israel and Israelis have indeed become exactly what they despise the very most.
Okay, Hud buddy, get a hanky and a grip because I going to say it. Israel has become eerily like Nazi Germany and the Nazi leadership. Israel works a black horror on Palestine, Palestinian people, and presto, just like Nazi Germany did to Jews a long time ago, Israel is doing the same to Palestine and Palestinians today.
So I'll have to suffer the slings and vicious arrows of accusations of anti-Semitism and, well, so what? It needed to be said there, Hud buddy. How about you and Israel lay off the Palestinian people for a time, two times, and two and a half times? Criminy, Holmes, all this suffering is utterly despicable and Israel is unrepentant and brags about it? Yow-zers, Hud buddy, talk about a "stiff-necked" people!
Okay, so I've probably waxed a mite longer than I intended and I've just got one last observation. Why did you and Israel cut Rachel Corrie in half with a bulldozer? My god man, that was one horrible thing to do! One wispy little girl and the IDF mows her down with a Caterpillar bulldozer? Yikes, Hud pal, talk about barbaric AND harsh.
So you and Israel wonder why outlanders like me get sort of irritated with Israel and the horrors being worked on Palestine and Palestinians. Yeah well, stunts like bulldozing Rachel Corrie will do that. Stunts like the horror Israel is doing right this very minute in the West Bank and Gaza will do that. That apartheid wall is an affront to any rational and thinking human.
And we pretty much don't care what George Bush would have to say. Bush is almost worse than you. Almost and probably any Iraqi or Afghan would dispute my observation and I wouldn't blame them a bit.
So lay off, home-boy. It's time to give it a rest and try some serious peace negotiations with the Palestinian people. Seriously! The harder you squeeze Palestine and the Palestinian people, the faster our world turns against Israel and you. There's a growing outrage and it's not about to blow over any time soon.
Just a little uninvited FYI. So, Hud buddy, as the Pooh would say, "ttfn." Oh yeah, be sure and give old Zippy my regards. What a shrike!
Respectfully, your pal (sort of), Skulz Fontaine
Gaza Strip, Utah/Nevada
© by the author."
